I'm an orphan


As you may read the title of this post, something tragic and sad has happened to me and our lives lately. 
Our papa has passed away on 23rd September this year of age 73. Papa was ill (not Covid related).

Our mama has left this world over 10 years ago. So that makes us -me and my brothers- orphans.

I wasn't sure if I should post something about my papa's passing. Revisiting something so sad and painful by writing and blogging about it, makes me all moody and again sad.
After all, I'm usually a 'happy blogger' blogging about happy things in my life.

But life isn't all about happy things.
Life can suck a lot. 2021 sucks.

So yeah, today I want to write about unhappy sad things just because I can.


Als je de titel van deze post leest, dan weet je  dat er in mijn leven iets gebeurd is wat tragisch en niet leuk is. Onze papa is dit jaar overleden op 23 september op de leeftijd van 73 jaar. Papa was ziek (niet covid gerelateerd).

Onze mama heeft 10 jaar geleden deze wereld ook al verlaten. En dit maakt ons -ik en mij broertjes- wees.   

Ik wist eerst niet zeker of ik een blogpost wilde plaatsen hierover. Opnieuw beleven van deze verdrietige situatie en erover schrijven, betekent opnieuw verdrietig worden. 
Ik ben eenmaal een 'blije blogger' die voornamelijk over blije dingen post. 

Maar helaas, 't leven gaat niet alleen over blije dingen. Het leven is soms echt kl*te. 2021 is gewoon kl*te. 

Dus ja, vandaag schrijf ik over verdrietige dingen. Gewoon omdat het kan. 
voor Nederlandse

There`s one deadline that I don`t want to experience too soon again and that is preparing a funeral ceremony. Being stuck in a limbo of unhappy emotions, lack of sleep or can`t sleep, the cryings, lost sense of day and time I only had one week to prepare it. I`ve decided to make a life story of dad with photos and short clips and turn this into a 15-minute movie.
Hey papa
Hey papa. I helped you clean up and cut your hair. I`ve then helped you get dressed up and picked a colourful blouse with a matching vest. You wore your newest blue pantaloons and brown leather loafers. My aunt and uncle -your little brother- wanted for you to wear a tie and suit, something old-fashioned minded people would do I suppose? But I thought I wanted you to be comfortable and more being you. Are you comfortable?
Not the same crematorium as the one with my mum. This one was quite nice actually.
The day after the funeral. I have never received so many flowers before.
Marie Kondo
And the weeks after our dad left the world I don`t want to be in the same house again with all the furniture that still hold memories. I went total Marie Kondo style myself and cleaned, tidied, and cleared all the junk that our parents have hoarded. Especially our dad, he just can`t throw things away even it`s broken/useless. I didn`t go to work but I`ve worked at the house and it has given me good energy surprisingly. I guess clearing things is clearing your mind and it did.
Tons of clothing, (Chinese) books, glassware...
Bye bed
What am I supposed to do with all the drawings and DIY`s that I`ve made for dad when I was little. I should have placed it in the coffin and let it be cremated...
I`ve been addicted to scented candles guys! I never really lit candles in the house unless it`s Christmas but since my dad passed away I wanted to lite up some candles. And I`m hooked!
⮙ Hi mum and dad, as you can see I`ve stripped down the wallpaper too... Don`t worry I`m going to make our house very nice! Inside the bag there`s papa`s ashes.⮛


  1. I am so sorry to hear about this! There is not much to say, but I hope you are well (or as well as you can be).

    Thinking about you xx

    1. Thank you so much Natalie, I'm doing quite ok! I'm already working full time again and work has been a great distraction so far. Xx

  2. I am so so so sorry for your loss and am giving you a big hug from afar. Thinking of you and your family***

    1. Awww, thank you! That's very sweet, your hug has been received well <3

  3. the drawings really make me feel bad. maybe there should be a big album where u put everything there whenever you want to think about or talk to your dad.

    my dad is currently in another country..theres really no way for me to see him yet. i hope i can before anything happens. its time to spend moments and cherish them with people you care for..
    thanks for sharing! im sure the house will come out great the way you remodel it!

    1. Hello there, thanks for your comment. I am planning to save the drawings in the urn cabinet from my parents.
      I'm sorry to hear that you're not going to see your dad any sooner... but you can still call/videocall him if possible!
      Thanks, I'm working on the house I hope it will come out lovely and homey again! Xx


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